1 Miss Sugarbaker Goes to Washington (I)
Suzanne arrives in Washington, to the dismay of the press and her fellow Congressman. Suzanne is late into the office because she's trying to find a way to get her brother's ceramic spoon-rests sold in the House Gift Shop, the proceeds to go to his school. When she arrives, she finds Malone, Natty and Sissy awaiting jobs working for the newest member of Congress; though Sissy thinks she's either ""stupid, a lesbian... or maybe she killed a man."" Suzanne expresses her initial disinterest in the job and says that the ladies can have jobs if they want them. Then the unprepared Suzanne appears on the political show Crossfire, where John Sununu and Michael Kinsley begin to drill her about her political affiliation, gays in the military, etc. Then they accuse Suzanne of ""trying to make a profit from a federally funded enterprise,"" by selling her brother's spoon-rests.
2 Miss Sugarbaker Goes to Washington (II)
After her botched appearance on Crossfire, Suzanne is ridiculed by the press, who say that it's hard to tell if the ""flamboyant, zoftig Miss Sugarbaker"" is ""playing Miss Kitty or Miss Ellie from The Beverly Hillbillies."" They also accuse Suzanne of selling her brother's spoon-rests in the White House for a profit, which they refer to as ""Knick-KnackGate."" Natty attacks Suzanne because she publicly ""diminished all women as sexual commodities, slandered homosexuals, insulted blacks, and bragged about being rich. . ."" Suzanne turns in her resignation, but her decision is altered after a heartfelt talk with her daughter and brother who also want to return home. So she goes and speaks on the House Floor, and points out that even though she's different, that's what being an American is all about, resulting in several references to Jimmy Stewart's movie ""Mr. Smith Goes to Washington"". After over-using her time, as she's drug from the podium, she looks out into the crowd and sees Jimmy Stewart
3 Guess Who's Sleeping in Lincoln's Bed
Malone takes an interest in art -- particularly sketching male nudes. Sissy and Natty stress out after Suzanne makes a fool out of herself at a press hearing. After canceling a dinner engagement, President Clinton invites Suzanne to spend an evening in the White House, where she'll be sleeping in President Lincoln's Bedroom. After arriving, she becomes overly excited and begins jumping up and down on the bed, breaking the slats. She fakes sickness so that no one will find out the bed is broken, while Malone rushes a sketch on a huge piece of wood (""We'll call it Nude Man on Wood"") to replace the broken piece of the bed. After saying it was a gift for the President, they sneak the board in and repair the bed--only to have it broken again by Suzanne's (also) overly-excited guest, Jamie Farr, who came to the White House in drag to promote the sale of his new book.
4 That's What Friends Are For
When Sissy is thrown out of her apartment for not paying the rent (and a mattress fire), she moves in with Suzanne. Suzanne jumps at the opportunity to co-write an article with Sissy to boost her image, about the ""interracial bond"" that she and her housekeeper, Sapphire, share. Sissy seems to be in Heaven staying with the caring Sugarbaker clan, who make her stay feel more like home than anywhere she had ever been. But when Ann Gilroy, Sissy's old rival, comes to town, Suzanne tries to make her look good by insisting that the house belongs to Sissy. Though Suzanne was supposed to learn a lesson about writing, Sissy is the one who learns a lesson--about friendship.
5 Men Are Good
Malone becomes distraught when a man she just met casually asks her for a date; ""I've never dated anyone but my husband--ex-husband-that is,"" she stutters. Suzanne, Natty, and Sissy try to give her advice, but end up scaring her more. So in an effort to jump into the dating game, Malone decides that she must seduce Brad on their first date. She goes and spends a weeks' pay on assorted condoms, a tactic she saw on Murphy Brown -- unaware that Brad has his own plans for seducing her.
6 You Talk Too Much
Suzanne and staff begin their participation in a hearing on the dangers of violence towards women on television. Suzanne bemoans the fact that everyone in Washington spends their time talking about absolutely nothing; and she urges the President to get a pet dog to boost his appearance. Sissy and Malone sit next to Senator Jessie Helms during lunch, giving Sissy an idea to pull a prank on Natty: she claims to have spit in Senator Helms' soup. When he is later rushed to the hospital for stomach pains, Natty calls the FBI and reports Sissy for poisoning him.
7 Bad Girl
Malone fears that she may be pregnant after she and her ex-husband have one night of casual sex. After testing negative, she decides that it's time for her to unleash her feminine sexuality. Suzanne, tired of dealing with executives from the Alaskan fish industry, shows them confidential government reports. And Sissy sells exotic, sexy, lingerie (including edible underwear) for an ailing neighbor.
8 The Afternoon Wife
Suzanne's ex-husband, Dash, comes to town after writing a tell-all about their marriage. He soon charms all of Suzanne's staff -- especially Malone.
9 Veda
Veda Walkman, a new intern from a job placement program is sent to work for Suzanne. Suzanne, Sissy, and Natty resent the fact that Veda makes them all feel old, despite the fact she claims not to be a ""Generation X-er"" (as Natty says: ""She may not be cruising the internet, but she's going to those Nine Nails concerts--or whatever that is""). So they each take her out to dinner with the intentions of firing her, but each backs down when they realize how sweet and vulnerable she is (""She kind of reminds me of Bambi-- Bambi in combat boots with a toilet mouth""). Meanwhile Sissy steals a plant from Newt Gingrich's office and gives it to Natty as a birthday present, beginning a practical-joke-war between the pair, which culminates with a jack-ass in the office.
10 Women in Film
Suzanne and Sissy try out a new indestructible pantyhose line. Natty comes down with the flu on the same weekend that she's supposed to spend in the conjugal cottage with her imprisoned lover, Congressman Ed Sharkey. So that he won't lose the privilege of using the cottage, Natty sends Sissy to spend the weekend with Ed. Conflicts soon arise when Sissy finds that she is very attracted to Ed, so she calls Suzanne in to take her place. After Ed spends the evening ignoring her, Suzanne decides that she's more attractive than Sissy and Natty combined, and she deserves the ""chance to slap"" his face--so she gives him a sample of what he's missing out on--and ends up inadvertantly burning the Conjugal Cottage to the ground.
11 The Conjugal Cottage
Suzanne, Sissy, and Natty take a business trip to Alaska to investigate the spawning habits of the Alaskan Salmon, where each woman finds the man of her dreams. But when Suzanne's man gives her a cubic zirconium that he claims is a diamond, they wonder if these men are as dreamy as they appear.
12 North to Alaska
After Congresswoman Seizmore of the Ethics Committee attacks her character and launches an investigation of her personal activities, Suzanne inadvertently blurts out that she has a diary, which Seizmore has subpoenaed. But Suzanne is unwilling to part with her diary because it has her weight written in it for each day, so she tries to get her best friend who has come for a visit, Anthony Bouvier, to dispose of it for her. Realizing that Suzanne will never grow up, Anthony finally agrees to take a Carnival Cruise and throw the diary overboard, not realizing that Kathie Lee Gifford was shooting a commercial. The diary hits Regis Philbin on the head and he announces Suzanne's weight on national television the next morning on their mutual talk show, Live With Regis and Kathie Lee.
13 Dear Diary
When Congress does a hearing on the dangers of violence towards women in television and film, the women find themselves watching hour after hour of movies like ""Boxing Helena"", ""Nine 1/2 Weeks"", etc. Natty tries a new haircut--which when it ends up looking more inflated than Suzanne's, makes her weep hysterically since she has an upcoming conjugal visit with her imprisoned lover. Then the four women are accused of sexually harassing the men that they are reviewing the films with. During the congressional hearing, Suzanne encourages the moviemakers to get together and make a final blowout movie that she called ""Stab Me, Rape Me, Kill Me, Eat Me."" With the help of a bevy of female celebrities, they try to make the movie-makers see that films can be made without depicting violent situations toward women.
